I want to tell you the story about a girl who caused her own pain.
This girl had a very normal childhood, and even though she grew up with divorced parents, she felt much love and affection from the ones around her. The only difference, she felt God calling out to her at a very young age in life. Though she didn’t grow up in a religious family, she felt drawn to the mystery of Jesus.
Her first encounter with Christ was probably unusual to most people, yet it was the most impactful moment of her life. This elementary aged girl felt the full flame, the full presence of God when she accepted him. The fire and excitement was calmed by the washing of peace that came with a water baptism in a medal trough outside a little church in Texas. The moment when God permanently stamped her life.
That girl was me.
And this story sounds like the beginning of a wondrous walk with Christ, and it was, but its not what you think.
See, with age comes pain. There’s pain that happens throughout childhood and adolescence that we have no control over. Pain that we should never blame ourselves for.
There was a moment in my teenage years that I decided to say yes to God. A full YES, like I’m diving in head first, going to finally surrender everything. And then I would mess up, and then people would talk about it. Friends, friend’s parents, it felt like everyone knew my business. That is when shame entered, that is when I ran from God, that is when I started causing my own pain.
I ran and I ran hard, straight into the arms of sin. Binge drinking, drugs, boys. All of it, I embraced all of it. The more I pushed Jesus away, the more sin I would pile on to try to drown out the whisper of the Holy Spirit. I didn’t want Him to have control, because His control meant pain, and I wasn’t having anymore of that.
Except, I was having more pain. Pain that I caused by the decisions I made. Mornings were riddled with shame and hate for myself. The more I tried to get control of my life, the more I messed it up. I would always choose the wrong thing, as much as I wanted it to be right.
Those choices landed me in relationships that were unhealthy, or just simply not what God wanted. So, I would go through the pain of fighting, the feeling of rejection, and ultimately that feeling of failure when the relationships ended. The cycle just kept repeating.
Until that day. That day I finally stopped running, that day I realized I was causing my own pain. You see, I had thought I had taken control over my life, but the truth is, I was out of control. I was creating disaster without my savior.
Everything changed after I stopped running. God restored everything, everything that I destroyed. He took the shame and healed the pain. All the pain, the pain caused by others and myself.
Why am I telling you this?
Because my heart hurts for those I see causing their own pain. There’s ones I love that I can see running from God, refusing to surrender. They don’t want to accept something God is saying, or they don’t want to feel out of control. Whatever reason, they’re running and it’s causing them pain.
In the book of Jonah, we see a man called by God to deliver a message to Nineveh. This massage was not a good one, and Jonah decided it would best if he didn’t deliver that message. Jonah ran. He traveled to another town, found a ship, paid a fare, and set sail away from the presence of God. But God did not let Jonah go. He kept pursuing Jonah. First with a storm, and then with a big fish. Jonah stayed in that fish for 3 days. When Jonah finally cried out to God and repented from running away, God released him from the fish and on to dry land. Jonah went on to preach the message that God had for Nineveh, which stirred repentance and saved the entire city.
You see, God’s will, will be done. If He wants you, He is going to have you. He gives and He takes away according to His purpose and plan. Can you imagine what pain and anguish Jonah went through for 3 days in a fish? 3 days living in filth without food or water. In fact, you can see the desperation in Jonah’s cries in chapter 2. Sounds harsh? Well guess what, His ways are so much better than our ways. And even if we think we know better, we don’t. Jonah would have been in a much different place had he followed God’s instructions. Our minds can not even comprehend the goodness He has planned for us. We have to let Him work in our lives. We have to read His word and follow His commands to see His goodness.
So, let’s evaluate here…
Do you have things that cause you pain?
Are you miserable at your dream job? Is your relationship suffering? Do you feel purposeless? Do you have unfulfilled desires in your heart?
I want to challenge you to ask God if it is because you are running from something He wants from you. Do you need to surrender? Are you causing your own pain by not letting God have His way? Did you follow a course you thought would be better than His?
Cry out to Him today. He’s waiting.