A Sisterhood

There I was, pacing a quiet house. Nothing but the sound of 3am silence around me. For a mother, this sounds peaceful, right?

 

But it wasn’t peaceful. In fact, the silence just made me more aware of how alone I felt in that moment. What was wrong with me?

 

Anxiety. Panic. Fear. All raging through my body. It was as if I could feel the panic flowing through my veins, my skin blazing with a flame fueled by fear.

 

Except, what was I fearful of? There is no immediate danger, no sickness in my family, no demise on the horizon. In enters the self condemnation…

 

The thoughts scream at me, “What is wrong with you? You are blessed. Why are you acting like this? You have what most people dream. Why can’t you find your joy? Do you even really know God’s joy? If you did, you wouldn’t be acting like this.”

 

As my husband wakes for work, I finally find rest, only to be woken minutes later by hungry children. Peeling myself out of bed, desperately reaching for the coffee that always came with a spoonful of sadness, I dread the day ahead of me. No matter how hard I tried, I could not pull myself out of the black hole that seemed to be sucking me in deeper by the minute.

 

This was me, night after night, day after day, following my 4th child.

 

I kept it in, hidden. I told myself I was strong, that I needed to get over it. I pushed myself to get through. And then it happened, I pushed myself to the breaking point. Rock bottom.

 

You see, when you’re in depression, it’s hard to even realize you’re depressed. You get use to the presence of the dark cloud. Your mind convinces you that you’re just ungrateful and lazy. Feeling like yourself again seems like something you can only dream about.

 

Sisters. My sweet sisters. You CAN be yourself again. You’re not alone.

 

Did you know that there are more than 3 million cases of postpartum depression per year in the US alone?

 

So, what do I see?

 

I see an alarming number of women struggling alone.

 

I see a culture that teaches us that we should be able to do it all. It says we can work, raise children, maintain the home, socialize, etc. Which is great, except, sometimes you can’t do it all. Sometimes you’re tired. Sometimes you’re overwhelmed.

 

It’s okay, sister. I’m tired too.

 

So let’s make a pact. A pact that we will talk to one another. A pact that we will love one another more deeply than ever.

 

If you’re struggling, reach out. Don’t suffer in silence.

 

If you have struggled, share your story so others don’t feel alone.

 

Let’s build a sisterhood of real women dealing with real problems.

 

We are worth it, don’t you think?

 

 

I created this blog to tackle some of the subjects women face everyday. I want to hear from you! Please leave a comment 🙂